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Sometimes I wish I was still a kid

That age we all were in, where life was simple and boys had cooties. At my age, most girls are looking for guys, dating or just plainly hooking up. Love is all about our whimsical desires. I don't really know many girls in serious relationships (and by serious, I mean past the 2 year honeymoon phase). So I have really nobody to talk to, nobody who really knows what I'm going through and how to give advice that wasn't "he's not worth your time, dump him." Its sad when that is the first response that is given to any relationship trouble. It shows me how little that people care about even fighting for love anymore. It's probably why the divorce rate in first world countries are so high - we simply want to take the easy way out because we can.

Life isn't easy and that lesson is taught to us wayy to often, more than it should be taught. In the same vein, love isn't easy either and it isn't meant to be. If it was easy, we wouldn't place such high value on it. However, it seems with everything else in our lives becoming easier, we expect love to be as well. But guess what? Love is the hardest thing anyone will go through in life. There is nothing harder than handling love.

You might be thinking, what does this girl know? She's only 18. But I do know. I have gone through life experiencing so much hardship. I've gone through all kinds of discrimination, abuse/bullying, depression, I've even been assaulted in a public place and is just naming a few of the things I've been through. I've gone through a lot and I understand a lot more than people my age and heck, more than what people twice my age might have gone through.

But my beacon of light through all of this has always been my man. We've known each other for more than 4 years and have been on and off throughout those four years, more often on than off. He was the one who was there throughout my darkest times. whenever I was crying or hurting. He was even there when I was angry and I took it all out on him. He's honestly the best guy I've known my whole life and he too has gone through a whole lot of shit.

But our relationship has never been easy and I highly doubt it will ever be easy. We fight often and make each other cry a lot. Honestly, I love him more than he loves me right now and we both know it. Just yesterday, I had to fight to even keep him in my life. Stupid right? There are so many more fish in the sea right? But you know what that line means? That there aren't many Right Whales (which are a whale on the verge of distinction) left.

I love him with all of my heart and I know most people have told me to just leave him, that he's an asshole and he doesn't treat me right etc but they don't know him. They don't know everything that has happened. They could never understand. He is the sweetest, smartest and bravest guy I know. He hasn't saved a life but he lives seperate from his family who are doing good for the world, on a low income. He studies whilst looking after his house and cooking and cleaning. He is absolutely amazing and nobody could ever compare to him.

You know how everyone has that best friend, the one that knows you like no other? Well he's that for me. He is the love of my life and I will always love him. He knows and understands me so well. It's hard for me to hold on, and its hard for him too but we keep trying because tomorrow is always another day.

I know some of my friends would be angry that I am still with him and fighting for us, but I don't care. I really don't care anymore. They caused a rift between us once but will never again. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I would not be here, strong and alive if it wasn't for him. Yes, sometimes we don't talk for months but we both know that the other is there and that we still love each other. I'm his princess and he's my prince. I love him more than anything and I will always fight for him.

Lost & Found

I was hunting through my hard drive today and found some of my old, very much incomplete fanfics. Half of them were straight and half were yaoi, all with DBSK as usual for my 2007-2009 writing period. It seems as though I have a lot to catch up on. I didn't even recognise one as my own! But it must be right, to be in my files? There was only one chapter so I am thinking that it is mine.... Its a parody to the princess AI manga that I now remember and loved.

So much to do during the summer coming up...

Arggh! Addiction once again ><"

I just read a yaoi fanfic. I think the couple is Yunjae and its wonderful.
its adorable, I think im going to start reading them again <3

New Chapter

As time passes, so does my life. Things happen and I change with the events.
However, it is every so often that there's a new chapter in life and right now, I'm at the start of a new chapter - of my love life that is.
I recently split with my long-term partner and am now currently single. I don't know how life will progress but hopefully it will be positively. That's not to say that I don't miss him and our relationship. I do. I don't think theres ever a possibility that there isn't even a smidgen of love for a long term partner after breaking up.
I'm also studying, or trying to study harder. Someone told me "There's not much to do in life except make it meaningful and succeed" Or something along those lines :P
And I'll try, I'll keep moving forward and attempt to do my best no matter how hard it is.

Writers block.

Writers block happens so often:(
I'm motivated and inspired one moment and the next I've lost all my creativity.

I had my story all planned out but now... I've forgotten what I wanted to write. usually, my inspired moments come in the most inconvienient times: when I'm on the train or out and about, when Im in the shower or when Im waiting for the bus. The sorts of times where I dont have a pad and pen to write it down.

I've not yet finished any long term projects which pisses me off to be honest. I've written so many shonenai/yaoi but haven't finished them. Everything I've done or still have is posted here.
I hope I gain inspiration soon... itll help me release stress gained during school.
Requester: ELF
Pairing: HanChul

This is the last fanfic I wrote before I go writers block and quit... I'll eventually finish it, I hope.

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Requester: ELF
Pairing: HyukSu
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG
Length: 2224

I never knew such a love existed before I met you.
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Requester: Xiao Jie
Pairing: KyuMin
Genre: romance, a little bit of fluff.
Rating: PG
Length: 2, 069

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Requester: Xiao Jie
Pairing: KiMin
Genre: romance, and fantasy
Rating: M (inappropriate language)
Length:1,774 words

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Switching roles
Pairing: YunSu
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG
Length: 1628

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